Thursday, December 3, 2015

All my ducks are (not!) in a row

I have always been someone that likes to have their ducks in a row. Likes to have their junk together. Likes a plan. Likes to know what's next. Type A. Organized.  [Anal, obnoxious, overbearing, detailed, whatever you want to call it]. This has been said to be an immense strength of mine and now, as a mom I find...likely my biggest weakness. Here's the thing that I've learned: My ducks were never in a row in the first place, so why on Earth, with three demandingly :) wonderful children, would they be now?!

I will forever strive to keep up with everything, but at some point, something's gotta give. I have not figured out how to simultaneously: be a good mom, be a good wife, keep up with bills, keep up with cleaning & household duties, maintain friendships, volunteer, work out, plan and execute healthy meals, grow spiritually, have adult time, have alone time (what is that?), do engaging and educational things with my kiddos...much less work outside the home. (You working mamas are my heroes, particularly you working teacher mamas). I feel like I go through phases where I rock at one (or more!) of these at a time...but, as much as I'd love it, never seem to figure out how to have all my ducks in a row in ALL areas of my life... I just sometimes feel like there are a billion balls up in the air, and I'm juggling them and dropping them one by one until they sort of feel like they are all crashing down at once. This used to drive me crazy. But it just doesn't anymore...

The past two days my middle kiddo has been sick-- like sit-on-the-floor-holding-her-while-nursing-the-baby-because-she's-ralphing-everywhere sick. And things didn't get done, and things were a mess, and I was exhausted. BUT she was clean, and she was cared for, and Mom was there while she puked. Today we didn't DO anything...we 'just' played, 'just' read, 'just' were...and that's OK. Because that's what everyone needed. It's 3:30 in the afternoon and all the girls are still in pajamas. There are messes in every corner of my house, laundry unfolded, sheets that need to be re-washed because they were yucked on again, piles on the counter, dishes in the sink, a dinner to think about and make, etc, etc. My ducks aren't in a row...

But I'm okay with that! I'm okay with that because my three beautiful babies are sleeping soundly in a home filled with laughter and love. The fingerprints on the windows can wait. They were there yesterday and they'll be there tomorrow. The dried on gunk in my toddler's highchair can stay there. It was there yesterday and it'll be there tomorrow. The piles on my counter will disappear eventually. The laundry will get folded, the dishes will get done. And tomorrow it'll all be there again. I think as moms we are SO hard on ourselves to be everything to everyone all the time. And that is exhausting & impossible. It's never done. It's never finished. It's never perfect. And that's okay.

If you're reading this, and feel like you have found a way to keep your ducks in a row, please fill me in. ;-) But I'm guessing (okay, maybe hoping!) there are others of you out there that feel this way too...With how precious and short life is, who cares that everything isn't figured out? Who cares if everything isn't done? I know I don't anymore. All  my ducks are not in a row. And that's okay with me! :-)

Quack, quack! :-)

No comments:

Post a Comment