Orrrr I should have written it when I lost another 10 lbs and additional inches by summertime. (Don't have any pics of that!) I feel like my thoughts and ideas on body image at either of those two times may have been different... I would have been all, "yay, this is awesome, ya de ya da"... But I didn't write this post then.
And I'm glad I didn't. Don't get me wrong, it's incredible to read posts of people losing x amount of weight, or meeting a goal or running a marathon, identifying whatever has worked well for them. It is amazing how encouraging people are during those times, and I think accountability and celebrating success are definitely essential to meeting goals.
But that's not this post! Today, I am 30 lbs heavier and 30 (overall) inches larger than I was in June of last year. Yup. Special. Today my "starting picture" would be worse than the pic above. How does that happen? Well, for me, it happens by making excuses, a lot of negativity, doing little to nothing active and overeating. :-) The last 8 months of life have been .... well.... interesting. And along with health junk, the way I've dealt with some processing has basically been self- sabotage. There is no one to blame but myself.
Because I've been able to get myself to healthier places in the past, I know/have known what works best for my body type, health needs, etc. It's not a matter of not knowing it...it's a matter of actually doing it! The past few weeks I've been thinking about body image (among other things), and have been using this to help me:
A good friend of mine shared that she was going to be using this in 2019 to keep on track with her goals. While I have heard/read some mixed reviews on what others think of it, I decided to give it a shot. I have LOVED it so far...the month of December was spent reflecting, formulating, processing, etc. Part of the process is identifying areas of struggle or challenges, and evaluating areas of life. One of those areas for me was health/body image/exercise.
Here's the real deal on body image for me. I haven't had a super positive body image for....well....like 30 some years? As a young kid, I was chunky, or as my family liked to say-- "big boned". I remember sitting next to a girl in 1st grade and when she sat, her legs looked small on the seat and when I sat, my thighs covered the whole chair, and looked ginormous. I was one of the tallest girls all through elementary school and bigger than a lot of the boys. Then it got confusing...because I matured early, which at the time brought un-warranted comments and attention from boys. Kids can be mean. They used to call me "butter face"....that everything "but her face" looked good. According to them, my nose was too big...plus I had glasses and braces, and I mean, it definitely was a fugly phase! Middle school is just an awful time no matter what! Later in life, I was told I wasn't tall enough, or pretty enough, or athletic enough or skinny enough, or didn't care enough about how I looked.... Thankfully none of these comments came from my husband, and he's never been anything but loving, kind and encouraging to me. BUT the words that I had heard over and over throughout my life before him HAD impacted me, and had led to a fairly negative perception of my own body and body image. Certainly as an adult, those things don't haunt me in the same way anymore. But I still have been guilty of being negative about the way I look. And there's still room for improvement....
Which is what prompted me to write this post...to share my "non-success" story on where I'm at. This is me. Today. I know I can be in a better place physically, and maybe I'll share when I get there. But also maybe not. Maybe someone else out there needs to read that it's okay to struggle. It's okay to not be where you want to be. It's okay to have junk in your life. It's okay to not like something (or lots of things) about yourself. I literally don't know anyone that is 100% thrilled with the way they look. Instead of focusing on all that junk, I will choose to focus on the positives.
Here are my positives: My body learned to move and made progress at expected times in my childhood. My body allowed me to ride horses for years and years and I loved that more than anything. My body endured a fairly traumatic horse kick to the face, facial reconstruction surgery and recovery. My body was diagnosed with Crohn's at age 21 and has gone through years of ups and downs, medications, procedures and new findings/diagnoses. My body conceived, carried and birthed three healthy baby girls. My body recovered from an appendectomy, a few hospitalizations, and numerous "reactions" to things. My body hurts a lot and feels weak a lot, but it doesn't fail me. My body carries me each day and my body can and will respond to positive changes this year. My body finally completed a work out today...
And it'll do another one tomorrow, and the next. Where are you with your body image? What ways can you love yourself better by embracing the things you don't like and celebrating the things you do?
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. *Psalm 139:14
Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. *1 Corinthians 6:19-20
